Many of you reading my blog are professionals or have some familiarity with the long arduous road of training to become a physician with its built-in delayed gratification system. I, for one, am not the kind of person who does well with delayed gratification. My husband, on the other hand, is on orders of magnitude a lot more patient than I am in waiting to enjoy the fruits of our labors. Not to say that I want everything here and now, but there came a time when I realized that I didn't want to wait till I was "x" years old with "y" amount of dollars in the bank before doing things I enjoy in my life. I think the intimate relationship we as physicians have with life and death on an almost daily basis played a significant role in my attitude towards life. I just don't want to wait until I'm on my deathbed, only to look back and realize that there were so many things I wanted to do that I never got around to doing.
I recently saw the movie "The Bucket List" starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Their characters, Carter and Edward, are diagnosed with terminal cancer and they set out to check off items on their "bucket list"--a list of things, great and small alike, that they wanted to accomplish in the few months they had left to live. They go on to see the world but realize that at the end of the day, what really matters are the relationships with the ones they love. I too created my own "bucket list"--a few years ago when I turned 30. I decided that instead of this delayed-- vs. instant--gratification approach to life, for each year of my 30's, I was going to do something I'd never done before.
Here is where I'm at:
30--Pregnant for the first time (with a beautiful not-so-baby girl to laugh and play with!)
31--Oops! I guess my first year of fellowship training got in the way!!
32--I have something planned, but I can't reveal it since my husband may be reading this!
So far, I'm 1 for 3 and this year, I need to double up to make up for last year!
Other items on my list so far include learning to sail (despite not knowing how to swim!) and biking a charity race. Any other ideas?! (At this time, preferably ones that don't have a big $$$ factor!)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, August 23, 2009
futures...in raising children?
So, this is the first blog I'm posting officially...but it follows in a series of thoughts that i've had.
I just put my daughter to bed for her nap and I realized how much I enjoy spending time with her. Seeing her look at me with this sweet sleepy built-in love in her eyes makes me wish I was home with her more often. It's not often that I have moments like these because of my career.
I asked my husband this morning if he thought that children whose moms were at home to raise them grew up more secure and well adjusted...and while there are instances in which that may not be the case, when I think about the families we know personally in which one parent, usually the mother, is at home with the children, I can't help but feel that maybe my daughter would be better off with one of us at home with her.
That raises other questions though like...who would be the one to stay at home? how does a family afford that in this day and age, in this economy? Wouldn't the child benefit from day care and socialization with other children? Is it healthy for the parent who's staying at home? ...
One of my colleagues at work were talking about how my husband and her fiance would be great stay-at-home dads...If it weren't for the fact that both of them have career interests of their own and that the burden of generating an income for the family would fall on our shoulders, it's something that we would seriously consider. But then comes a shred of jealousy...that I (emphasis on I) want to be able to work part-time and play with our daughter and spend that kind of quality time with her..
How does one reach a balance? It's difficult for sure and I think it depends on every individual's personality. A woman needs to be secure in herself to be able to give up her career and know that staying at home to take care of her children is an endeavor in which the rewards may not be apparent right away. To know that every interaction she has is shaping her children in ways that may not manifest until they are older. To know that staying home doesn't mean she is contributing any less to the household and that her voice does not carry any less weight when it comes to making financial decisions. It's not a matter of who brings in the paycheck. It's not about me or you, but about "us". The family becomes a unit, working with each other for what is in everyone's best interest.
Sometimes circumstances have a bigger role in determining whether one can become a stay-at-home parent; regardless,...I have a newfound respect for mothers OR fathers who stay at home to raise their children.
So, while I love my daughter to no end...I don't think I could give up my career to stay at home full-time...and I can only hope that our interactions with her will help her to become a well-adjusted secure adult.
I just put my daughter to bed for her nap and I realized how much I enjoy spending time with her. Seeing her look at me with this sweet sleepy built-in love in her eyes makes me wish I was home with her more often. It's not often that I have moments like these because of my career.
I asked my husband this morning if he thought that children whose moms were at home to raise them grew up more secure and well adjusted...and while there are instances in which that may not be the case, when I think about the families we know personally in which one parent, usually the mother, is at home with the children, I can't help but feel that maybe my daughter would be better off with one of us at home with her.
That raises other questions though like...who would be the one to stay at home? how does a family afford that in this day and age, in this economy? Wouldn't the child benefit from day care and socialization with other children? Is it healthy for the parent who's staying at home? ...
One of my colleagues at work were talking about how my husband and her fiance would be great stay-at-home dads...If it weren't for the fact that both of them have career interests of their own and that the burden of generating an income for the family would fall on our shoulders, it's something that we would seriously consider. But then comes a shred of jealousy...that I (emphasis on I) want to be able to work part-time and play with our daughter and spend that kind of quality time with her..
How does one reach a balance? It's difficult for sure and I think it depends on every individual's personality. A woman needs to be secure in herself to be able to give up her career and know that staying at home to take care of her children is an endeavor in which the rewards may not be apparent right away. To know that every interaction she has is shaping her children in ways that may not manifest until they are older. To know that staying home doesn't mean she is contributing any less to the household and that her voice does not carry any less weight when it comes to making financial decisions. It's not a matter of who brings in the paycheck. It's not about me or you, but about "us". The family becomes a unit, working with each other for what is in everyone's best interest.
Sometimes circumstances have a bigger role in determining whether one can become a stay-at-home parent; regardless,...I have a newfound respect for mothers OR fathers who stay at home to raise their children.
So, while I love my daughter to no end...I don't think I could give up my career to stay at home full-time...and I can only hope that our interactions with her will help her to become a well-adjusted secure adult.
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